The Asatara – Mind, sex, heart integration during sexual intimacy

Mind, sex, heart integration during sexual intimacy

I looked at him in the eyes as I was sitting on his c***. And then I looked away as I started to cry. My heart was opening for him and his was not. He was closed. He was all animal, no heart. There was no soul in our sex. We had transcended our bodies and gone on a cosmic ride, but when I came down and landed my soul back into my body by making eye contact with him, I realised I was being used. And equally, using myself. Because deep down I knew… there was passion but no heart.
 

And this was painful.

 

Because I long for Union. With the sweet and the sacred. To feel safe enough to allow everything to open. My sex, my heart and my mind. To experiencing mind blowing sex which is as deep as it is transcendant. Not one or the other. Both.

 

Because I’m worth that.
 

The deeper you love yourself, the more you begin to question whether it’s worth getting lost in desire and passion if you leave yourself behind.
 

For me, having a relationship with my heart now, it’s heart first, sex second. My heart has to be on for my sex to be on. I have to feel safe, loved, heard and seen before I open myself up to being penetrated by another.

 

Because I can receive god in nature. In the food I eat. In looking into an innocent child’s eyes. In giving to the homeless. I don’t need sex to fill a void or to take me to places. I go to the places I long for every day.
 

And unless I can feel that another person feels this too. And has the same longing I have, to reach god through the penetration being a sacred consummation with the divine, then I’ll say no, but thankyou.

 

Because unless you can lay here and breathe with me in ecstasy… unless you are willing to make the time to witness me in my opening. Unless you want to really get to know my soul. And unless you’re willing to hold me and be held in the deepest most vulnerable feelings, I’ll say no.
 

Sex without heart, to me is like a cheap bottle of wine. And not the good kind. It’s the kind that gets you feeling really good and then gives you the worst hangover the next day when you realise you fucked yourself in an attempt to get high real quick and escape your feelings.
 

Sex without heart is like saying fuck you to god; your own light and the part of you that knows how deeply amazing you are.
 

And I will not settle for less.

 

Integrating the mind, body, heart and sex.

 

One day, I realised that I could no longer have sex (or even relate with someone) if I didn’t feel 100% safe to be myself. And by that, I mean that I didn’t feel seen, heard, felt and respected.

 

I realised that I couldn’t have a relationship with someone that my heart couldn’t surrender and open to.

 

If there was any holding in my body, it was a sign that I did not feel safe. And without safety, there cannot be surrender.

 

I want to note here, however, that sometimes we CREATE the idea that we are not safe to be vulnerable and its got nothing to do with the other person, but rather, is a story that we are telling ourselves to stop ourselves from opening to another.

 

Because there is nothing scarier than being vulnerable. And there is nothing more beautiful, either. The thing that we long for, the most, is to completely surrender and open ourselves up to be witnessed in the depths of our love. To be seen, heard and felt in our authentic, raw and cracked open state. Whether that be ecstatic and blissful or wailing on the ground, gasping for the next breath of air

 

I repeat, you cannot experience the depths of what your sexuality has to offer you if you cant fully surrender because there isn’t the feeling of safety.

 

Safety is what allows the spirit to fully land in the body; for the divine to penetrate matter. It’s what opens the root chakra, which allows us to have a connection to the earth and the physical body, whilst experiencing pleasure. It opens the pathway for our sexual energy to descend fully into the body.

 

Because often, when we are having “passionate sex” our energy levels may rise and we may experience transcendent and altered states. I used to think that this was ecstacy and where I could FEEL the most. I used to journey with a lot of different plant medicines which would give me the same, cosmic experience.

 

That was until I discovered safety, learning how to ground the energy and circulate it back down into my root chakra.

 

For me, this happens naturally when I feel at home and fully relaxed in my body. But there are also ways to cultivate this connection, too.

 

Cultivating safety and allowing for the descent of spirit into the body and into our roots.

 

On my personal journey and experience, I have noted two things: 1) Sometimes I have this connection naturally. It’s just there with some people and its not with others. And when its there, its effortless.

 

There’s also ways of developing this feeling of safety.

 

Here’s what works for me.

 

  1. Taking things slowly and actually getting to know the person. Seeing and witnessing how they show up. Getting to know their values. What they love. Taking the pressure off and actually giving myself permission to just be curious and inquisitive. Is this the kind of person I want to invite into my intimate space? So often, we are overridden by passion that the hormones set in, we enter an altered state and we override our inner child- the part of us that often wants to play and explore before opening ourselves fully to an experience.
  2. Develop an emotional connection.
  3. I tune in to see if I can feel the person.

 

First, I feel my body.

 

Does my body open to them? Or is it closed? Because the body knows. The mind will create stories- the person in front of you might be a logical fit for what you’re looking for. He’s attractive, has a good job, smells good… he ticks all of the boxes. But does your body feel good around him? Because the body and heart have an intuitive knowing that is more sensitive and receptive than the mind.

 

The opposite may also be true. There might be someone in front of you that your body feels pulled towards, but you may find your mind fighting it.

 

Trust when your body opens and when it closes. This has been one of the biggest lessons that I have experienced in my life. I have been led down some horrible paths when I have tried to intellectualise and force a connection where my body wasn’t having it. The opposite has also been true. The most beautiful and profound experiences have been during times where I have followed the receptive pull of my body towards someone who I have felt a longing for.

 

I feel my heart.

 

Does it open or does it close?

 

And if its closed, I tune into it and ask it what it needs.

 

I feel my sexual desire.

 

Do I feel genuine sexual desire for this person- ie. am I naturally activated by them and do I become aroused in their presence? 

 

Our sexual energy is our life force energy.

 

I tune into my mind.

 

Is there anything there that needs to be laid out on the table or spoken for me to feel safe. One of the most liberating practises is to simply be vulnerable and speak your thoughts and feelings with someone.  If youre feeling nervous, speak that. When you speak something, it can no longer have power over your consciousness. But when you hold your thoughts in,

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